As a mediator of almost 30 years, I describe myself as allergic to formal grievances. The same allergy applies to most formal disciplinary hearings and how organisations deal with conduct and capability issues. Formal processes do not resolve issues – they simply drive entrenched positions and exacerbate problems. When an employee feels attacked, they will naturally defend – it’s a basic human instinct. Most mediations we conduct should never have needed to come to an external mediator. The most common phrase we hear after a successful mediation (and we run at over 97 per cent resolution) is “I wish we’d had these conversations months or years ago. Unfortunately organisations have simply lost the art of conversation – or, more likely, they never learned the art in the first place.

I see a lot of risk aversion in organisations where the right conversations are avoided, and in my experience there’s a perfect storm brewing:-

• Employment law increasingly puts demands on employers, and this will increase over the coming months and years.
• Organisations are becoming leaner - managers have less time for people.
• Promotions into management positions are increasingly due to technical skills, not leadership capabilities.
• Appointed managers are not given the skills (and therefore the confidence) to deal with people issues effectively but are criticised for not doing so.
• The HR profession continues to train the theories but doesn’t develop and (importantly) test the real practical skills for having conversations.
• Employees working remotely / hybrid reduces opportunities for real conversations and increases the ‘excuse’ of not having them.
• As technology develops, we have more written communications than real dialogue between people. Chat GPT does not know the answer to an employee’s unique challenges!
• The risk aversion around having real conversations is increasing – people are more comfortable sending an email – the courage to talk is continuously declining.
• There is a growing “just in case” culture, eg send that email just in case you need to prove it in future (to give the perception of a “fair” process).
• Trade Unions will be more prevalent, experience of working with unions effectively has declined.

We need to do much more of something we’ve been capable of for many thousands of years, which is to talk and (most importantly) listen. In the workplace, however, most of us need some development in how to do this in the most effective way – especially leaders. The ability to have effective employee conversations is an art form, and it takes learning and practise. The sooner we start, the sooner organisations and employees will reap the benefits.

People often ask me for my best tip when it comes to resolving and avoiding conflict, probably expecting some ingenious ideas involving complex theories from psychology. I’m not quite sure whether people are disappointed or relieved when I say “just get to know people as people”. As a mediator, I don’t spend the first hour or so talking about the problems or the conflict – I’m keen to know about the person and what matters to them. I also bore them a bit about me – they don’t know me, so why would they trust me?

Everything in workplaces (and outside work) is about trust and relationships. Just think how you are with people you trust implicitly compared to those who you wouldn’t trust as far as you could throw them. It’s a very different dynamic. Trust is earned. We all know it’s also very quickly lost. Whenever we get involved in workplace issues, more often than not strong foundations to the working relationship have never been formed. Relationships with solid foundations don’t crumble easily. When colleagues  start to learn more about one another it’s amazing how the issues can soften. I’ve had people who hate each other first thing in the morning having brilliant and productive conversations by lunchtime – the main turning point being when they both find out the other owns a cockerpoo, or they like cycling too, or they support the same football team.

An organisation with the skills and confidence to talk and listen effectively will achieve a rapidly changing culture. It’s a very simple concept which we see in mediations every day:

• Talking enables listening. 
• Listening gives insights. 
• Insights change thinking. 
• Thinking changes behaviours. 
• Behaviours are culture – “it’s the way we do things around here”.

There are two types of organisations in my view: the ones who recognise that leading people is the hardest part of any manager’s job, so they invest time (and some money) in developing the right skills so they become effective leaders. Then there are those who, when somebody signs a contract saying “manager”, they expect a fairy to appear to sprinkle her magic leadership dust over them. Leading people needs development and support. Invest in the time needed and the organisation will save so much time in the long run. It’s a bit of a hare & tortoise thing.

Whilst wellbeing has always been an important subject, it’s never been higher on the agenda of most organisations. However, I see a real disconnect in organisations which don’t recognise the link between effective conversations and employee wellbeing. Anybody who has been subject to a formal process, felt aggrieved by something or had some kind of dispute knows how much it consumed them and how stressful it was. Everybody will recognise the stress, but for some reason we don’t make the connection in organisations that proper conversations relieve stress massively.

Given where we’re at in terms of pending governmental changes and the evolving employment landscape, the working relationships with employees and representatives is increasingly critical. In my personal view good old-fashioned employee relations skills have diminished significantly over the last couple of decades, and this goes back to the lost art of conversation. One of the biggest benefits I had from learning mediation skills back in 1996 (at British Steel) was working more effectively with Trade Unions during testing times of mass redundancies and the need for new working practices. The ability to build the trust and relationships with employees and their representatives is so critical for all HR professionals and managers. It’s the foundation to employee relations and to culture.

Pete Colby

April 2025